when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
