I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
