Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
