Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
