I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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