No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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