"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
