I love black thongs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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