I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
