Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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