This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
