So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
