There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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