He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
