Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
