Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
