Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
