Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
