just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
