we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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