I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
