.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
