I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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