I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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