And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
