Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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