mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
