Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
