he puts the penis in happiness.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
