Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
