What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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