Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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