Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
