You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
