I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
