Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
