If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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