Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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