Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
