Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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