last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
