I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
