Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
