I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
