he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do herpes really smell.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
