he wants to bone in the snuggie
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
