woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
