I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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