I could have mohawked her pubes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
