This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
