My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
