she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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